The Dilemma
Here’s the dilemma:
Are you honest or are you nice?
Because if we’re being honest, a lot of people like to fuck with other people. And that ain’t nice.
When we’re honest a bunch of feelings are likely to get hurt. But when we’re not honest feelings still get hurt.
Feelings are extra sensitive because a lot of people, all over the world, are carrying a lot of trauma, and pain that they keep masked and stuffed down.
A thing that I struggle with is pleasantries. I’m getting better.
If we have to do small talk I can get through it, but if we were close once and aren’t anymore those pleasantries are going to be painful. It isn’t that I don’t see or appreciate the efforts to engage, it’s just that I don’t possess the ability to bridge a chasm of distrust once it emerges.
I literally do not know how to allow myself to reopen to and rebond with someone who has ever betrayed me. So the pleasantries are painful and awkward because the other person is trying so hard and I’m meeting them only on the surface.
And a part of me feels bad for what we both know was lost. But this is why you treat the people you love nicely while you have them.
I don’t really know what else to tell anyone
