love, Ruth Nineke

Out Do Yourself

Post Published: December 4, 2022

Embracing the Ego. I want to know for myself, what I’m capable of doing for myself.

I want to know with the certainty of manifested evidence that I can think a thing, do a thing, and create a thing from within myself.

I want to know the extent of the extensions of myself: in my efforts, in my work, in my endurance, in my faith.

I truly don’t understand people with no ambition. It doesn’t have to be monetary or professional. Ambition for improvement. How is it to live with no desire to find, reach, and recreate your peak? I don’t know.

A few years ago I watched this Kobe Bryant documentary called Muse. And he said a similar thing that Cristiano Ronaldo has said, about deciding that he could be/wanted to be the best at his sport and just relentlessly pursuing that.

I’ve always been obsessed with celebrities and success. It’s not about fame. Fame and wealth are a byproduct. I’ve always been obsessed with the philosophy of it, the invisible aspect. The drive, the desire, the single-mindedness.

Drake has a line about living at home with his mom and how she didn’t have money, and was always chain smoking and he had to Febreez his shirts. And I have to admire him.

Imagine signing to a fairly popular, well established label, and then consistently rising and becoming one of its biggest acts, performing on an entirely different level than the label was already known for?

Imagine being so driven that you’re constantly aiming to out-do yourself.

Why doesn’t everyone have this? Why is it acceptable to so many people to not try? Is it a fear of failure? The only real failure is inaction.

I can’t relate. I “fail” all the time. By the standards of desire and expectation, I so rarely ever hit the mark. But the joy, and success, and fulfillment I get in “the doing” is incomparable. Knowing that I can do things – and sometimes even hard things – simply because I made the effort, empowers me to continue trying new things.

I don’t know yet what exactly I want to be the best at, but I suppose I don’t want to “best” at anything. I want to always be making things, expressing ideas, planting seeds, working with the Energy, learning new ideas, learning myself, experiencing inspiration, understanding more…


 

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