So the other day my older sister left a comment on my website and I deleted it and banned her from commenting again. She’s already been banned from my Facebook pages, blocked on Instagram, and she’s subscribed to my YouTube channel that I don’t even upload to anymore.
I wrote her to remind her to keep the same energy she had for me when I got out of detention 2 years ago – very “fuck you kid, you’re almost 40, you’re on your own from here” energy.
And it’s cool bc we all know how messy my life is, and I really do need to get it together in terms of stability and foundation. It’s not for lack of trying but I also have room for improvemen. I could tighten up.
My beef is, pick a lane. Either it’s “fuck her” all day or it’s “I love you and I’m worried about you.” But it’s not “let’s repair this… You’re miserable and angry and youu’re gonna be alone forever”
It’s always always always this double-speak, cut-you-down, but I-love-you merry-go-round and I’m really not interested. After my ankle I’m crystal super clear that I have to get my shit TOGETHER. And so all I can do is throw myself into my work (the business) and manage my sanity with my writing and “photography.”
Thing is people love to look at me. (Hell, I LOVE to look at me!) At the end of the day that’s all it is. People want access. People love to stare.
Well I’m going to give you the beauty and the beast of me. And we’re not stopping til it’s done.
One day I want to unpack all the messaging around being alone, and the idea that women who prioritize their own pleasure without chaining themselves to kids or one man are some pitiful thing.
Lol wait.. No I don’t. Studies have shown my demo is the happiest overall. Year after year after year.
I know this bitch crying and throwing up that I don’t want no parts.
But these excerpts are absolutely inspiration for scenes in my next book. Themes include female competition, sexuality versus sexualization, hyper-fixation on victims of abuse/victimhood, sisterhood as defined by non-blood emotional bonds.
Listen, y’all my “family” has long been my biggest muse. They give me SO much material and all they ever get for their trouble is a big 🙅🏽♀️
She’s rotten I tell ya. Like one bad apple in a whole bunch. Who is she? Me or her? Which her? You decide.
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