I had a mini breakthrough today that I think was actually the continuation of a message I’d gotten on a mushroom trip a few years ago. It can be challenging to decipher visual downloads during a trip bc they come in HEAVY and a lot is usually changing rapidly for me on the ride.
Anyway, SO I realized that I – my whole being and existence, and all these messy journeys I take, everything that is the me that I am – is truly the embodiment of my female anscestors who couldn’t.
Because of the times, because of whatever. And I think a LOT of the conflict between my immediate family and myself is that I just always REFUSED to submit. I refused the inherent sexist conditioning and programming that most people aren’t even aware they’re getting.
I fucking bucked and smashed and booted and hollared. And I claimed individuality.
It all just landed snug in my brain today that somewhere in the other realms, that by my very individual existence, I’m pleasing some soul sisters and soul aunties and soul grans and soul cousins, by default.
Just that I pushed back and held my personal ground. Just the fact that it’s my nature to resist, because I’ve inherited the duty of talking back on behalf of all those who couldn’t. By default of embracing the nature that those before sewed into me to avenge them.
I never have to “get my shit together” if I don’t want to because I never have to do anything for anyone else’s expectation or satisfaction. I can just go on being loud and showy and messy and embarrassing and it’s fine.
What’s probably going to happen now that I’ve sorted that bit out, is I will actually get my act together and straighten out. Because once you know things, they start to impact your reality whether you want them to or not.
I will probably finally get “my shit” together with more consistency because it will be MY own choices, my own ambitions, my own considerations involved. Something, something, alignment, self-love, something something.
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