Post Published: October 30, 2022
Let’s play a quick game
where I’ll ask you a trick question
that you’re meant to answer
emphatically,
honestly, and obviously
with a resounding YES
Because I know that you know
That’s exactly what I want
to hear, whether or not
my motive is clear
I want you so impressed
with me that you’ll do anything
to try and impress me
And you will.
But not until, not without,
mulling it over a bit
and spinning it about.
Not before inquiry forces you
for one split second
to acknowledge the doubt
within.
Better for me
that you doubt you
before you think to
question anything about me
I don’t really care anyway
for your answer.
The question is a test,
you could never pass
regardless.
Since most everything I do
and say is infinitely
seasoned with tasteless jest.
Do you love yourself?
Have you any confidence?
Is it durable?
Can I play with it? How long
will it last?
How long do I get?
To exploit your humanity
and weakness
to cover over my own?
See,
I could never out right ask that.
I’m a whole grown actor.
A scrappy character
with shaded blocks of history
memorized monologues
and anecdotes to distract
from the mystery that
behind these charming eyes,
and this in-demand smile,
I’m woefully terrified
of the sins I’ve committed
for which I can never atone,
the secrets and shame
which mar every day of my life
The burden of the real me
that I’ll have to carry forever
alone
My emotional exile
requires constant denial.
I’m fine I’m fine,
everything is sunshine.
Look at me, so carefree,
impossibly funny
immeasurably clever,
eternally lucky.
Blue skies
ALL THE TIME
ALL THE TIME
I ONLY SEE THE POSITIVE
ALL THE TIME
THIS IS ME
I’M SO FREE
I’M SO HAPPY YEAH
NO PROBLEMS
IT’S YOU
WHO’S THE MISERABLE BITCH
I love to fuck you
but more I love to
talk about me
and show off,
but only the gloss
and shining parts okay,
just enough
to sway you further in
just until your defenses thin
You don’t get any more
than what I tell you
you deserve
And why would I lie?
My life’s so fucking grand
I’m perfect
and everything is always fine.
But back to this trick of mine…
Do you love yourself?
Tell me what you think before we both die
