love, Ruth Nineke

Can You Be Transparent?

Post Published: September 14, 2023

Nothing means anything. We add/create meaning.

I recently wrote that there are no implications; nothing is ever implied. Our words and actions don’t mean anything other than exactly what they express. People make up what’s implied based on their personal problems and perceptions. But nothing is – or can ever be – implied.

The reason is that people aren’t always completely honest and transparent. All of language is manipulation. We present versions of truth that we think others will accept.

Since we can never know for certain what anyone means by their words or actions, we can’t determine what’s implied and what’s not. We can only take actions and words at face value. The only facts we have are what was said, or what was done.

But actions and words don’t inherently have meaning. Meaning is inferred. We make inferences. We attach meanings. Meanings are personal and subjective.

If you want meaning and truth, you gotta give and live them.

Now, if we want to find the implications, or meaning in people’s behaviors – if we really want to know – we must ask. If we want more clarity in our communication with others we must push ourselves, and those we interact with, to cultivate it.

We have to dig for meaning, and truth at all times. Unless we want to live in subjective bubbles of personally fabricated – inferred – realities that we color with our perceptions, we have to ask for clarity. But if we’re going to ask for clarity, meaning and truth, then we have to be willing to give as much.

This is the demand of living with integrity: meaning what you say, saying what you mean; aligning your actions to your words.

personal sidenote:

This is what infuriates me most about people who doubt me, or try to convince others to. When I’ve always kept it blazingly, blindingly real, honest, and transparent with them. But suddenly when something inconvenient occurs, I must be lying. Bitch, how!?

The question becomes how can we add meaning to our words and actions? How can we give others clear understanding of our intentions? How can we bring clarity and truth into our lives? And why would we want to?

Truth is Strength.

People are only afraid of the truth because they think it will bring them pain. Color pain with any undesirable feeling: guilt, shame, discomfort, embarrassment. People fear exposure – of themselves, of others.

But truth itself doesn’t bring pain into our lives, because nothing can bring what inherently exists. That’s the gag.

Life is pain. It’s also a beautiful, joyous, wonderful blessing. That’s duality, innit?

Life is a fundamentally mathematical equation, balanced out by the metaphysical law of Karma.

You cannot avoid pain. You cannot duck, dodge, or outrun it. You will never be able to evade pain, as sure as you will never escape your physical death.

The only “solution” to pain is to face it. Face it plainly, pragmatically, squarely, head-on, courageously, and honestly.

This is where strength is found. This is the value of living with integrity. And one of the greatest pleasures an ego can enjoy without guilt is the feeling of personal strength. It’s not prideful to feel vitality – whether within your physical body (health) or your spiritual one (the Force / flow).

You should want to feel strong in who you are. You should aim to embody your greatest strength(s). But strength requires truth.

Can you be truthful with yourself?

What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of life do you want to live? What kind of communities do you want to be a part of? What kind of people do you want in your life? What do YOU deserve? What do you believe you deserve?

Are you willing to ask yourself deeper questions? Are you willing to dig and toil to uncover your inner truth?

Are you willing to do the messy and ugly work of uncovering intention? Will you ask yourself and others tough questions?

How to bring forth The Truth

Roll up your sleeves, and pull up your Big Kid Bottoms (see how easy it is to be gender neutral if you try? please clap).

If you want to start bringing transparency and truth into your life, if you want to give people clear meaning of your intentions be prepared for some muck, mire, broken glass, and hurt feelings.

Oh well.

Stand on What You Say

Nene Leaks “I said what I said” gif

When’s the last time you got confrontational with someone who was playing games with you?

Did you ever feel like someone was taking advantage of you, but you didn’t want to make problems? Fuck that. Make the problem.

BE THE PROBLEM. The first time you initiate confrontation – on your own behalf – will be the last time that person ever attempts to play in your face again.

When’s the last time you forced someone’s hand?

When’s the last time someone threatened you, or attempted to manipulate you? When’s the last time you called their bluff? Even better, dared them to do it, asked them to.

When’s the last time you asked someone what they “meant by that?” when they made a sly remark? If you think someone is being disrespectful, if you feel disrespected, seek clarity and move accordingly. Remember, there are no implications. Only facts and the inferences you color those facts with.

Someone could be disrespectful. They might not respect you at all. Ask them. Oh, what you don’t want to know? You just want to feel your feelings and let emotions simmer as their behavior continues?

Ask people why they do things. Ask them what they mean? Ask them flat out, plainly if they respect you? If they want to insult you?

Sound too emotional? Cool.

You’re a fucking human being. And human beings have fucking emotions. So maybe remember that yours are just as valid as anyone else’s and speak up for yourself.

It’s called being compassionate, when you remember that we’re all humans with human feelings that are valid. If you want compassion, you gotta give it to yourself first.

Be compassionate enough to yourself to defend and protect yourself.

Because once you can stand up for yourself, you can stand up for others. And the way things are going – look around, bb – people need standing up for.

When’s the last time you spoke up in the moment when someone was being a bully?

What good is witnessing someone abuse someone else and doing nothing about it? IT IS NOT GOOD. THERE IS NO GOOD THERE. What’s the implication there? What should anyone infer from silence in the presence of violence?

Oh that time you stood up to a bully – behind closed doors when no one else was there? When you had a serious talk with them about their behavior? Sure. Let me tell you something: Private conversations with bullies don’t work. Bullies respond to public humiliation. That’s their language and modus operandi.

So if you think that giving a bully a stern talking to, behind closed doors, is gonna do something you’re mistaken and the bully who head nods while you speak is silently mocking you. Bullies don’t deserve comfort or peace. They deserve to be bullied back. Periodt.

Whether school yard, work place, or familial bully. Serve it right back, in the moment. Real heroes are not Marvel characters. Real heroes are people who stand up to bullies, inequality, and injustice in real time, in real fuckin life.

Besides, secret conversations in private don’t match with the concept of transparency.

To Be Clear

My philosophy has always been if I put it all out there then no one can hold anything over me. When you grow up in a household with manipulative Scorpios you learn to out maneuver people.  So I went out into the “real world” a mostly very open book.

So imagine how pathetic people look gossiping about me. Imagine how ridiculous it became for people to whisper about me and then pretend to be my friend. Imagine how many conflicts I hand-delivered to broads who truthfully didn’t want no smoke.

Listen, everyone can’t be me. And everyone can’t be you. That’s how super powers work.

But we can each bring more clarity and realness into our own lives.

So get into it: The first step is being honest with yourself AT ALL TIMES; no bullshit.

If you don’t feel like trying your best that’s cool. But don’t pretend you did when you know you didn’t. Don’t feel like doing something? COOL. DON’T DO IT. Be honest with yourself about how you feel and what you want, and what you need to feel your best.

Second step (most scary!): Be courageous enough to release your inner truth out into the world of which you are fundamentally an integral part.

By virtue of being alive everything you do, feel, believe, think, and say does matter and does have an impact. Give yourself and the world your truest self. We all deserve as much.

 


 

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